Bucket List Part Two

I'll just continue with where I left off, yesterday. Let's start this off with number three on the list.

I want to be dedicated to my YouTube channel. I want to work hard and make quality videos, that people will enjoy watching. I want to have my audience in mind, so I will listen to my audience and make changes accordingly. My partner and I, will only make changes that we are comfortable with. It is our, so we still want our identity to be the major tone of the show. We definitely want to listen to ideas that will enhance our show(s). With that in mind, I would love to make it to 100 subscribers. If we get more than that, i'll just be much more ecstatic!

Number four
I'd like to go back to college and maybe finish the last two credits, I need to get my marketing diploma. I just really hope, I get the motivation to either finish my program or start and finish a completely different program. Either or will make me proud of myself. I was thinking I could take a writing program. I was thinking that it could help me develop my craft to another level. I'll look into programs that my local college offers to see if any of them would be beneficial for my writing. If not I could go in a completely different direction. Well I have all summer to figure out what I want to do. I don't necessarily have to start this September, I could start in January or September 2015. When I feel comfortable going back, I will go back.

Number five is more of an emotional challenge I need to overcome. Okay, so I want a girlfriend. Well most people want companionship, that is just the way it is. If I could force myself, to not want a romantic relationship, I would. The problem is, I cannot do that. I have feelings just like everybody else. Sometimes I have bad days and not even my friends can cheer me up. So what I'm saying is I want to find a woman that I can be with that can cheer me up just with her presence. I don't even care about the Sex part. To me that means nothing. I just want a woman that connects with me on the same emotional level. Somebody that can understand me in all aspects of life.

Number six is probably the hardest thing on the list. I have been working on this for a few years now, with some progress. It is kind of hard to talk about it to be honest, but i'll do my best to explain it to you. Okay, so having a disability that slowly kills you, is hard enough to deal with. Everyday I wake up, and I have to keep my mind off the end result. Sometimes it comes across my mind, and no matter what I do that day or days, I can't shake it. Those days i'm usually not so nice to people, so I tend to avoid contact with people. I can't control when it happens, so sometimes somebody says something and I just snap. There have been incidents where I may have said something really nasty or just acted like a complete Jack Ass. Don't get me wrong, I'm not using my disability as an excuse, it's just sometimes I can't really stop myself from lashing out. Most of the time I'm quite chill and relaxed. Jokes about disabilities used to bug me, but I just realized that people are ignorant morons.

I've become much better at calming myself self down in these situations. What I started doing recently, is when I feel like I need to scream, i'll take three deep breaths and usually it helps out. Okay, so let's get on with explaining what number six on my Bucket List is. So what I'm essentially trying to accomplish here, is to become at peace with passing away in not so distant future. I have accepted my fate, but that is only the beginning of being at peace. Well just accomplishing some of the other five things on this list, will bring me closer to peace. As of now, I'm still afraid of dying. To become at peace, one must accept his/her fate, then one must look death straight in the eyes and say "I not afraid of you!" When one is not afraid of dying, they will know when it is time to say goodbye to the world.

So I kind of ended that on a sad note, sorry about that. Life is not always rainbows and happiness though! Anyway this is the end to another post. Tomorrow is the weekend, so you'll most likely see me on Monday! If I post something tomorrow, it'll be something small, or maybe i'll post another one of my poems. Peace! When in despair, eat a gummy bear!

Side Note: I love with all my heart!