My Trust In Others

Trust is defined as "The obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed" I know you all know what trust is, I just wanted to put that in there. Trusting someone with your secrets is pretty much granting them the power to destroy you. The question is, who can you actually trust? Most of the time it is a close friend, that you can trust with information about yourself. Before you can trust, you have to be able to trust yourself. What I'm saying is, you have to be able to trust your own instincts. 100% trust in yourself, doesn't mean 100% trust in others. I don't think a person is capable of trusting another being 100%  Maybe it is our animistic core or something more psychological, who really knows. We might not be able to trust any certain person 100% but we sure can get pretty damn close!

Now onto my trust in others

My trust in others took a while to develop. While growing up I was a miserable child, i'm not gonna lie. From grades 1-4, trust wasn't so much an issue. I had friends, some may even say I was popular. Well there were things I never brought up, but I was kind of young for serious conversation with other kids. Grades 5-8, well my disability started to take it's toll on me. Well friends slowly became strangers, and my trust in others kinda went out the window. By the end of elementary school, I hated most of my classmates and the ones I didn't hate, well I only really tolerated them.

Well high-school didn't really change my trust in others at all. In fact first semester of grade nine, I talked to no one. The second semester, I warmed up to the idea of new friends. I sat at a table with some people while I ate lunch. After I ate lunch i'd leave the cafeteria and go hang out with the grade twelves, because they were the only ones, I felt respected me. By Grade ten, everybody knew me, not because I was awesome in their mind but as that crippled kid. I actually did make some friends, the first two years of high school, but did I really trust them? Well I did to an extent. Throughout all 4 years, I told nobody about my disability and my deepest desires. I'm not gonna include my 5th year, because i was never at school.

 Well there is my bestfriend, met her in grade twelve. It wasn't until three years later when I actually trusted her, more than anybody else. She knows me more than anybody else. Second semester of college (January 2012) I met, let's call this bitch by her name I don't fucking care, Kirsten! chill just went up my spine. Anyway we became close friends. Second person I could trust my life with. She told me stuff as well. I was in love with her by April, and I told her in May. She wasn't into me clearly, well that and she had a boyfriend. I shouldn't of trusted her with the information. It didn't affect our friendship at first, until her boyfriend left her.  I'm not gonna explain this in detail, it's too complicated. Let's just say she stopped talking to me out of nowhere, a year and a bit after we met. (February 2013 I believe)  She ruined my life for about nine months after that, so up to around October 2013, I believe.

I was a complete mess, let's just leave it at that. Well my trust in others became more of a bad gamble. Well after her, the next person I fully trusted was Taylor actually. She is the one that brought my trust in people to where it is now. I'm sure someone else could have helped out, that's not the case though. So anybody that I met and trusted after her, should thank her. Sure, I probably trust her more than I trust you, but that's not the point. I'll just say i'm a lot better at determining who I can or cannot trust. I also want to make something clear, my issue trusting people, doesn't mean you can't trust me. I have so many secrets in my head, it's not even funny! All these secrets haven't left through my mouth or hands!

I don't know if any of that taught you anything useful. Anyway this is the end to yet another post. I'll be back tomorrow! Peace! When in despair, eat a gummy bear!

Side Note: Keep your real friends in the loop of your life, as long as they love and care about you!